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A Transgender Story Chapter 25
By Ms Chor Lor | October 20, 2009 | 1,239 views
And so, I checked in and get ready for my flight to Hatyai. Tell you, this is my first time ever in my lifetime I ever take an airplane!
I was slightly excited and scared as well. I had hoped for a window seat but did not. We were taking the Thai Airways. I like the purple on their uniform. I was so scared, when the plane took off, it was shaking. I grabbed so tightly to my seats and was so scared.
Can’t remembered clearly but I think the flight was about 2 hours. It was my first step onto the land of Thailand. And also the first time I am so far away from home. I started to think of home……..
We took a cab from the airport to the clinic. I had called up 3 weeks earlier to book for the operation. The surgeon I am going to is call Dr Nara. He is one of the cheapest doctor in Thailand for sex change operations and plastic surgeries. But still there are people who believes in ‘expensive then means better’ theory, who prefers to spend more doing it in Bangkok. Where the operation costs almost 3 times more than Nara, but still cheaper than Spore.
Since Nara is well known for being cheap, he is always fully booked. So you got to make an appointment for whatever, even minor operations like double eyelids or nose job, way in advance. Plus he only do consultations or minor surgeries in the noon, while each day, he only do about one or two major operations in the morning.
And doesn’t mean that he charge cheap and his skills are not trustworthy. He is just as good comparable to the famous and expensive doctors in Bangkok. It is just like going for branded stuffs.
We did not book for a hotel in advance, because we thought we should come to the clinic first, to see which hotel is cheap and just beside. Cause we will just be staying for one night. Next day will be the operation, and after that, we will be staying in it for days. And since it’s private ward, our companions can just sleep with us in the wards. So we don’t need a hotel for quite a few days.
Dr Nara seems to be in his late 30s or early 40s. Not the kind of old man with white hair. In fact, he is considered very dashing looking. For the consultation, he goes through with me what are the things he will do for me and how he will do it. He also showed us some past photos of done operations.
He then use a marker to drew on my chest, the outline of the breast implants that he is going to do for me. As I looked at myself into the mirror, I can’t imagine that this body will be totally different by tomorrow. There will be changes. And I will be a woman. But it looks kind of funny now, with two round circles draw out of marker on my chest………..like some sort of game where you do your forfeit lolx.
After everything, we have to pay him everything first. And of course this is the time that Sunny comes in. He paid for me everything in cash. Singapore Dollars. At this moment, I knew and is assured, everything is real. Not a dream. Everything is coming true.
He never lied to me. He never played me out.
We went to book into the hotel that is just beside. We are suppose to wake up at 7am tomorrow and the operation is 8am plus I think. Of course, Sunny shared a room with me. BUT on separate bed.
He never did anything to me. Nor did he try to take advantage of me or touch here touch there. He was quite a gentleman in fact. We just chatted in the room and talked about the whole operation and stuffs. And then he went out to go explore around on his own. While I went over to my friend’s room and chatted.
We talked about Sunny and how everything was like a miracle, a gift. They also kept asking if he did anything to me.
There was a disco just downstairs and it was so noisy. I can’t remember if I manage to get any sleep that night, or was I too nervous to sleep at all.
Morning came. We checked out and went to the clinic. He got a van to fetch us to the hospital. Me and my sista will be in separate rooms. She is just re-doing her breast implants. To enlarge it further.
Upon reaching the hospital, I went through all the checkup first. I wasn’t feeling nervous at that moment yet. Neither was I feeling excited. I felt numb. Because there is a heavy stone on my heart at this moment. And I can’t seem to worry about anything else, except for my cousin, my mum and the letter that is far away in Singapore.
I wondered what was my mum’s reaction when she read my letter. Was she angry? Had she told my cousin to tell me not to ever go home again?
With a heavy heart, I called my cousin first. Telling her I will be in for the operation in a few minutes, I asked about my mum.
She told me mum had read the letter. And that she kept crying and crying. She even quarrelled with dad over me. Blaming him for all the blames I blamed on him too. That what I am today, he probably had a part to blame as well.
She then said my mum is not going to drive me out and ask me to call her before the operation.
It seems so difficult to be pressing the keypad to my mum’s number. She is at work.
mum : hello
me : mum, it’s me.
mum : (was quiet for a while. then she started to cry and talked….)where are you now?
me : at the hospital already. going in soon.
mum : then you better take care. after the operation, do not eat seafood or black soya sauce. poisonous to the wound healing and will leave scar. eat fish instead for better healing. me and dad won’t blame you one. after you come back, come back home and stay. this is still your home. we won’t drive you out one. I already scolded dad for causing you to be what you are. after the operation and everything is ok, call me.
me : (me also in tears by this time) ok, I’m going in then.
After hanging up the phone, her words in tears kept haunting me. I felt so sad, I was crying so hard. I felt so guilty.
But I could feel the weight being lifted off my heart. The heavy stone is no longer there. And nervousness starts to rush in now. I felt scared of the operation. What if something went wrong and I die…………………….I was scared……………I was really scared…………….it was the first time I am having an operation. And I also heard from other sistas before that if complications occurs, one can just die…….
The nurse push me a wheelchair to push me into the operating theatre. I felt weird sitting on the wheelchair actually when I am so well and healthy. And I felt so happy now after talking to my mum, to have her final blessings before I go ahead with my operation. Even though I did not seek permission from her directly face to face, but that conversation was already enough………………..
To be continued…………..
Topics: A Transgender Story | 3 Comments »
October 21st, 2009 at 8:47 am
Sigh,I totally know how it feels. That kind of feeling is hard to be put into words though.
May 16th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
im really proud of ur mum…
August 25th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
tears welled up when i read this entry, so touching.