By Ms Chor Lor | Monday, January 2, 2012 | 1:55 am | 2,105 views
the start of a new chapter of my story………I call it, “Diary of a Mistress”………
Just when everybody is so happy having their countdown yesterday, I was at home with the company of my best friends luckily, but I was not happy. He was at countdown with that woman. Just like last year, he was with that woman too, but I didn’t know anything about that until later.
I had wanted to get some friends to go countdown and see some fireworks as well at first, but then I know I will only feel depressed about it when the fireworks goes off. Even when at home with my friends yesterday, we didn’t watch any of the countdown shows on TV.
Just how can one be happy when the man you love is ushering in the new year with another woman in his arms, and for 2 years? It is sad I was not in his plan at all, which should have been a waking point for any stupid woman out there. But still, I have hold on for one year……..which everyone I know in the whole world told me is a stupid thing to do. And I’m not sure if I should hold on any longer………..I’m not even sure how much longer can I hold on to……..as each day, I just felt me drawing further from him, while him drawing nearer to that woman……….
And guess what, the irony is when I use to ask him to go countdown instead, he will always brush off with the traffic jams and crowd and sweat and never wants to go. But he don’t seem to need these reasons when he chose to go with that woman twice instead. So should that be telling you that he prefer that woman’s company to yours? Obviously…………
It’s obviously you meant nothing to this man at all, that for 2 years, he spent countdown with another woman and not you. It’s probably time for any stupid woman to wake up.
By the way, if you thought that woman I’m talking about is his wife, wrong. It’s his other woman. And I’m the supposingly the other 3rd woman. I use to be the only GF in his life, the 2nd woman, until that woman came into his life one year ago, she overtook my position and I became the third. Sometimes, I feel like the spare. I feel like the one coming between them both instead. I feel like the one who is being kicked into the cold palace, now that there is a new one. All the sweet nothings and love showered on her now, I’m just like looking at myself when we first started. But everything changed place now and is showered on her now.
And of course, I’m the ultimate loser. Because she got a pussy, the ultimate weapon to capture every man’s dick.
But who can I blame on for everything that has happen? I can only blame myself. I blame myself on my fate, that I have to be a transgender. And a cheapskate one to that, falling in love with a married man in the first place, and still holding on when he already has a new woman.
But I should have know this coming when I started with him. I should have know it when I decide to be a woman that day, when what mum said was right, your body is just to let men play only.
I learnt about the truth one year ago. I broke down terribly. It was tears and tears and thoughts of death only for almost the whole year.
6 years of relationship, 2 years of lies, one year of heartache and physical torment.
It was also exactly the time when I found out the truth, it came as such a shock for me, it causes a physical hormone imbalance or sort, my skin starts to rot from top to bottom for a period. It is better now but still far from getting well. For the whole year, I always felt depressed to see my own skin. I have given up hope on it already. I have had ugly skin for one whole year already.
One doctor told me that partly my skin condition was because of anger and frustration built up emotionally in the body, that causes physical stress and changes.
Everything that happens between us, most of the time I had to bottled them up and kept it inside. There is no one to turn to. And I can’t vent it out on him, as he will just avoid everything. So I can only bottled them up.
Is love really that blind? Or can one just be so desperate for love, that they degrade themselves and make themselves a cheapskate whore.
That’s the thing with a lot of transgenders. One can really foolishly fall in love and do many stupid things, even if you knew that man don’t love you anymore. Because love is really hard to come by for us……….that when you had it, it’s just hard for you to let go…………
I came across a meaningful quote that I find it really true.
“When one cries, not because they are weak,
but because they have been strong for too long.”
To be continued……………………….Random Posts